


You're the closest to heaven.

by Bex1995



Category: Bandom, Kellic
Genre: Kinda AU, M/M, both boys are single
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-15
Updated: 2014-03-20
Packaged: 2017-11-29 09:50:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/685602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bex1995/pseuds/Bex1995
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you love someone so completely and irrevocably, every fibre of your existence can feel it.</p><p>It’s felt within your heart; for you never thought it could beat so strongly for another. Your blood, for every whisper and every touch sparks up nerve endings that have never been ignited before. </p><p>But within your soul, it’s felt the most. </p><p>It cries the tears you’re too afraid to show to those around you. It mourns the love that’s just too far out of reach no matter how hard you try to grasp it within your hands and never let go.  </p><p>So the words you’re too afraid to speak stay locked within your mind, until inevitably they come spilling forth in a mess of tears and apologies. Your feet take you out of the closest door, you’re now hollow heart thudding in your ears; you’re blood- once laced with fire- now turned to ice.</p><p>You don’t look back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'll fall asleep to the sound of your voice.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [This work is dedicated to many people. But for Charlotte- especially xo](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=This+work+is+dedicated+to+many+people.+But+for+Charlotte-+especially+xo).



> This first chapter goes out to danas4ur and you-gottafall-beforeyou-fly. You're awesome guys, this one's for you!

 

Vic was slumped down into the standard bunk bed, tired and uncomfortable in the small, sweltering cot. He was too tired to even _care_ about the stifling heat, although sleep still seemed to evade him.  

It was quiet throughout the empty tour bus, the rest of the guys still hanging out back in the Sirens tour bus, all still buzzing from the gig just finished together and unwilling to let the night end. 

The only sound that could be heard was the lingering fans' excited chatter through an open window, and the impenetrable silence was almost painful in Vic’s ears.

Cruelly, it kept him awake.

He rolled over onto his back, removing his sweaty tank top in the process and throwing it out through the thick privacy curtain. Some of his long dark hair stuck to his face, so he tucked it behind one ear. He sighed and threw an arm over his face. 

 _Forty- three hours_ he’d been up, although not one moment had he regretted it. Singing on stage to his amazing fans left nothing but awe in his heart.

Even though it left him feeling absolutely _fucked_.

The night had been the best of the warped tour by far- he got to perform with his band as well as his very best friends. How _lucky_ could he be to have met and befriended such a talented, _awesome_ bunch of guys? Every minute up on that stage tonight felt like a _second_ time went so fast- and he loved every minute of it.

Especially performing alongside Kellin.

The man’s raw talent never failed to take his breath away and performing with him was an honour. They’d first become friends when they collaborated to record their hit single together, and what started off as friendship… soon became something so much more.  Well, to Vic at least.

He didn’t realise it at first. But, hey, you never do right? It was when he was half asleep on the couch next to Kellin, listening to him sing that he’d realised he’d fallen in love with his best friend. He freaked out about it, oh yeah, but after a while... he realised that loving someone so completely could never be a bad thing- no matter their gender.

And since then, each day he fell just a little more in love with Kellin. He would lay awake most nights pondering everything he loved about this perfect man, and still the next day he’d find something else -the way Kellin played with his hair when he was nervous or the way his smile brought out his dimples.

Kellin never gave Vic a reason _not_ to be in love with him.

The door to the bus slid open then crashed shut again, disturbing the silence and a familiar voice whispered his name into the dark.  

“Vic?” 

Vic’s eyes flew open underneath his tanned arm, just as he heard the privacy curtain to his bunk on the bottom swish open. He removed his arm and groaned as the light stung his retinas. Kellin chuckled. Vic turned his heavy eyes towards the other man, who was on his knees grinning beside him, his bright eyes lighting up the dark.

He couldn’t help but smile back- reflex reaction when it came to Kellin.

“Yeah?” Vic answered, his voice croaking with exhaustion. The smile vanished off of Kellin’s face, replacing it a look of concern. 

“You sound wrecked, man. When was the last time you slept, _Vicki_?” He asked.

“I’m able enough to kick your ass, _Kelli_.” Vic mumbled back, sounding anything but able. Kellin just laughed.

Vic, forcing his lethargic limbs into cooperation sat himself upwards to lean against the back wall of his bunk, pushing his legs toward his chest and wrapping his arms around them. Kellin slid in next to him, crossing his legs.  

Escaping reality whenever they had a few moments alone was something they always did together.

He swung his head to look at his friend through tired eyes and could see Kellin’s eyes were… elsewhere. They were drawing a burning line up his chest, which came to stop on his move. Vic licked his unconciously and watched as Kellin tracked the movement with his dark eyes.

The tiredness must be really getting to him.                                         

“I got too hot.” He mumbled, explaining his lack of shirt.

“I figured.” Kellin mumbled- eyes once more flicking back down to his torso.

“I can’t _sleep_.”  Vic whined, his eyes falling shut.

“I figured.” Vic could _hear_ the smirk in Kellin’s voice.

Kellin moved to rest his arm across Vic’s naked shoulders, pale contrasting with tan and Vic shivered, goose bumps prickling all across his clammy skin where their bodies touched.

“C’mere.”  Kellin whispered, pulling Vic into his chest with ease. Vic’s eyes flew open in shock as his nose came to rest perfectly in the hollow of Kellin’s throat. He could smell the scent of his skin-aftershave, sweat and something that he couldn't quite place- could feel Kellin’s heart beating against his ear, and his own began to thump to its beautiful melody.

“Relax.” Kellin whispered into his ear making him shudder, and finally he did... His fingers clutched as Kellin’s tee as his body’s fight against sleep was failing. The soft voice of his beloved friend began to fill the silence, which had Vic collapsing completely into Kellin’s body.

 _“And I'd give up forever to touch you, 'cause I know that you feel me somehow._  
 _You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be. And I don't want to go home right now.”_

Vic’s breath hitched. Kellin’s voice always took his breathe away but tonight- cuddled together in this small bed- it was just for them, just for him.  
  
 _“And all I can taste is this moment. And all I can breathe is your life. And sooner or later it's over, I just don't wanna miss you tonight.” He sang._

“S’beautiful Kel’.” Vic mumbled, snuggling further into Kellin’s chest and he yawned.  His eyes fell shut, and he slept.

 


	2. Hoping too soon can be the worst thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a long wait! Been so busy with school... ugh!
> 
> I hope you like it!

Vic’s eyes fluttered open then slammed back shut when the burning light of day hit his eyes. He groaned and hid his face further into his warm cushion.

The cushion laughed sleepily and Vic’s eyes sprang open once more. 

“Whaa?” He mumbled and blinked blearily up at... Kellin. Last night came flooding back in flashes of memories -the touches, the _song_ and he could feel his cheeks heating up. He slept in Kellin’s arms  _all night_. Ignoring the fact how good it felt, he pushes himself unwillingly out of the other mans arms before he could be tempted to fall back into them.

Because he really could, his arms felt like _home_

He stretches his tired limbs as much as he could within the confines of the small bunk. Kellin coughs and looks down, combing a hand through his dark locks which ruffled his sleep matted hair even more.

He looked fucking adorable.

Vic looks at him and smiles softly. “What time is it?” Kellin pulls his phone from his jeans pocket,

“One- fifteen.” He mumbles and Vic groans, thankful that neither of them had gigs today.

They both stand up from the bunk, Vic swaying slightly from the residual tiredness that came with sleeping for so long. He hears Kellin quietly chuckle and feels a warm hand rest on his lower back, burning through Vic’s skin as it steadies him, grounds him. Like Kellin has always done.

He reminds himself of everything that could go wrong should he slip up by leaning back into that hand, and retreats towards the small kitchen of the bus.

So many things could go break, could shatter and never be repaired because of what he feels for his best friend. He couldn’t let unreciprocated feelings ruin everything he’s worked so hard to create...

Doesn’t mean he couldn’t want, because with every cell in his body he _wanted_.

He just had to keep that to himself.

He busied himself with bending to look into the bare fridge- tucking his hair behind his ears as it fell into his face- trying to rustle up a decent brunch for himself and Kellin. He didn’t hear the taller mans footsteps come closer until they were right behind him and he froze.  Kellin’s arms bracketed his head, resting on top of the fridge as he gazed at the lack of contents over Vic’s shoulder.

His heart started to jack hammer in his chest as he felt the inches between them disappear the closer Kellin moved into him. The warmth radiating from the others skin had him wanting nothing more then to sink into that beautiful body and never resurface. Kellin grunted near his head, his warm breathe ghosting over the shell of his ear and a sharp bolt of arousal tugs inside Vic’s body. He bit his lip so hard he could taste blood in his mouth. His body had never responded to another so quickly, and it was terrifying and exhilarating the hold this one man had on his him.

Vic waited with baited breath for Kellin to move his body away so he could refocus of whatever he was doing.

“I’ll make some toast man.” Kellin said, his breathe huffing across Vic’s face and raising prickles along his neck.  Kellin slapped him lightly on the shoulder as he leaned forward to grab the butter, his chest flush with Vic’s back.

Vic’s breath hitched and he squeezed them shut until he felt Kellin move back and away.

He sees Kellin messing around with the toaster, his arm muscles flexing and he _has to get out of here right now_ because he wants to _lick_ Kellin.

“Erm, second thoughts I’m just gonna shower. Yeah. Um, in a bit.”

Vic grabbed a towel and booked it into the tiny bathroom. He stripped off his clothes and climbed into a very cold shower.

* 

Within ten minutes he heard the door to the bus shut and he relaxed.

He switched the dial to hot and groans.

He’s gotten used to wanting Kellin, but every time he got too close it was like Vic was reminded of everything he’d ever wanted- but could never have.  Every touch, every smile Kellin gifted him with made it harder for Vic to control himself.

It’s was getting harder to pretend he felt nothing each passing day.

Back there, with Kellin so close to him he could almost pretend that Kellin felt the same, that everything was _okay._

Oh God, Kellin was so close to him he could smell the scent of his skin, his _hair_. Vic groaned, his hand slipped down his soapy chest towards his groin. He gripped himself with one hand, and held onto the shower wall to keep himself upright.

He’d feel guilty later for imaging Kellin behind him, kissing his neck and gripping his hips in his strong hands. Grinding into him, biting him, whispering into his ear. Vic’s hand’s gripped his cock even tighter, his hand moving up and down his length as he could feel himself get closer and closer to climax.

Kellin, Kellin, “ _Kellin!”_ He came with a shout, his come painting the wall in front of him and his breathing ragged.

He slumped into the wall, letting his breathing go back to normal before he cleaned up the evidence.

After he’d finished he stepped out into the cold air and pulled a towel around his hips. He walked over to the small foggy mirror above the sink and wiped it clean with his thin fingers. He stared at his reflection, guilt settling deeply into his heart and he knew one thing.

Everything was _not_ okay.

*

He was walking out of the bathroom when he heard someone clear their throat. He only just managed to keep the towel on, although it had slipped far down his waist, showing off his skinny hipbones.

“I erm… forgot my phone” Kellin was flushed red to the tips of his hair and his eyes were trailing slowly down Vic’s chest and he licked his lips.

Vic’s heart thudded so loud he was surprised Kellin didn’t hear it. Kellin was close, so close.

He could see every single freckle that looked as though they’d been kissed onto his fair skin by the sun. Every thin dark eyelash that framed Kellin’s eyes. Flecks of gold and green danced in his iris’s when the light shone in them.

He truly was beautiful.

He could feel the warm puffs of air on his face as Kellin breathed and it made him shiver. The taller man stared at him, his gaze so intense it felt like it could see into his _soul_. Kellin’s eyes flashed to his lips, Vic swallowed with a dry throat and watched as Kellin’s eyes tracked the movement…

The taller man dipped his head towards his and Vic felt his heart stop. Kellin was looking at him with questioning eyes, as if he was seeking permission to…   _Oh_ God _was he going to…?_

The door crashed open to reveal a security guard- but Kellin didn’t pull away; he just carried on looking at Vic, eyes full of regret.

“There’s a visitor at your bus for you, Mr Quinn.” He proclaimed and Kellin nodded. Sparing one last look at Vic, he left the bus after the security guard.

Vic sunk down onto his bunk with his head in his hands. Kellin looked as if he was about to kiss him, oh god. Kellin was possibly going to kiss him!

His heart started thumping…. Maybe everything would turn out okay in the end? Maybe..?

He quickly changed into a pair of jeans and an old tee, his mind racing as he thought of everything that had happened. He hung his towel up to dry and dug around for his shoes under the bed. He felt something strange so he pulled it out.

It was Kellin’s phone.

*

He stumbled out of the tour bus still slipping his left shoe on his foot. He had Kellin’s phone clutched in one sweaty hand as he made his way towards the Sirens’ bus. Maybe they could talk? About what, though? How in the _hell_ could he bring something like _this_ up? _“Hey Kellin, it looked like you were about to kiss me back there man, and well, I’d be pretty cool with that if you know what I mean.”_ Yeah, that’d work.

No.

Oh god, if he didn’t think of something right now he was gonna walk in there looking like an idiot which was just something he wasn’t in the mood for today.

He heard a squeal in the distance and he looked up to see a bundle of black curves throw themselves at Kellin outside the Sirens tour bus. He frowned and his feet slowed to a stop.

He could see Kellin look shocked for a second before he gave a small smile, the girl untangled herself from him and kissed him on the mouth. Kellin flailed for a moment before kissing her back.

Vic’s heart stopped and he was surprised no-one heard it heart shatter.

Mike walked up to him, and answered the unpoken question written all over his face.

“His new girlfriend, Katie.” He said and Vic nodded dumbly.

He felt Mike’s stare on the side of his face so he turned to look at him. His brother’s eyes were filled with sadness and understanding and in that moment Vic knew he wasn’t alone. That Mike had somehow figured it all out without him knowing. Mike reached out to hold onto Vic’s wrist, giving it a squeeze.

And in that one touch it told Vic everything he needed to hear. _I’m here for you, I accept you, I love you, I’m so sorry this happened._

Vic couldn’t move his limbs. He felt like everything was frozen in place as he watched this, this _Katie_ , eat at Kellin’s lips whilst Kellin just let it happen. The man looked awkward- his hands resting clumsily on her waist- but he didn’t seem to hate it… Vic wished he did.

He realised he still had Kellin’s phone in his tight grip which he had been intent on taking back to him, and then talking about everything….

He should’ve _known_ he was never this lucky.

He swallowed his dry throat, took a deep breath and tried to clear his head from all the devastating thoughts that crowded his tired mind.

After Kellin and… _Katie_ had finally stopped sucking face, and Katie was talking to one of the female techies, Vic shuffled over to Kellin who looked up at him with a somber expression.

Vic looked at the space over his shoulder and wordlessly handed over Kellin’s phone, the other man took it reflexively.

“Thanks.” Kellin mumbled. Vic just nodded, turned around and left, ignoring Kellin’s calls of his name.

He walked past Jaime and Tony. Past Mike.

He walked off of the grounds of the tour and didn’t stop for hours. 


	3. Chapter 3

Vic didn’t know how long he’d been sitting in the dark, smoky bar. He did know however, that he was very, _very_ , drunk.

He’d lost count of how many glasses he’d downed of straight vodka. Of how many times the guy who looked old enough to be his _dad_ had hit on him. And of how many times he felt his heart break whenever he thought of Kellin. He leant his head down on the bar and shut his eyes, wishing for one moment that he would just stop living.

“Vic? Vic!”

Vic sighed and sat up, watching his little brother make his way through the room towards him. When Mike came closer to his big brother, he could see dried tear tracks on his face, and multiple shot glasses littered around in front of him. The older man felt Mike tug on his arm, and so he looked at his brother. Pity and worry shone in his dark eyes, and Vic smiled sadly.

“I’m okay, Mikey.” He mumbled. Mike pulled him gently from his seat, wound his arms around his waist and started to walk towards the door and out the bar.

“No, you’re not.” Mike whispered, and Vic stifled a sob.

“No, I’m not… I… I _love_ him, Mike. I _love_ him.”

“I know.”

*

Mike walked the half an hour walk back to the site with his older brother clinging on to his jacket. Half sober from the fresh air. He stumbled up the steps to the tour bus, and helped Vic to sit down once they reached the small couch.

“Thanks, Mike.” Vic whispered to his shoes.

“You’re my big brother, Vic, anytime. And when you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here.” Mike said softly

Vic smiled gratefully and watched his brother leave. Two seconds later, the door swung open.

“Where the _hell_ have you been?!” Kellin shouted.

His eyes were wide, hair a complete mess and his bottom lip trembled.

“You’ve been gone five hours, Vic! Five hours! You wouldn’t answer your phone, no-one had seen you, and, and I’ve been going out of my _mind_ without you here!” He whispered angrily.

Vic looked into those scared brown eyes, so full of concern for him and he broke. He couldn’t do this anymore. He looked away, not being able to look into the eyes of the man he loved because he knew he’d break down.

“Vic..? Vic what is it?” Kellin said, rushing over and kneeling in front of him. Vic just shook his head.

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong? Tell me and I’ll fix it. I’ll fix it Vic, I promise, tell me what’s wrong.” Kellin whispered, his voice steadily rising in fear.

“You can’t fix this Kellin.” Vic choked out, a tear slipping down his cheek. Kellin reached up and grabbed his best friend’s cheeks, wiping the tears away, and forced him to look at him.

“Why, why not?”

“Because you can’t fix me.” He sobbed, pushing away Kellin’s hands and standing up.

“Talk to me, Vic! Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?!” Kellin stammered.

“I can’t, okay! I can’t Kellin! Not this.” Vic shouted.

“Why? We tell each other everything!” Kellin shouted angrily.

“Not this!” Vic sobbed out, stumbling on shaking knees.

“Why not?” Kellin said through gritted teeth. Vic shook his head and began to walk away until Kellin grabbed him around the waist,

“Vic, no, talk to me!”

“No-“

“Please!”

Whether it was the pleading tone of Kellin’s voice, or Vic’s own willpower crumbling to the ground, but Vic broke.

“You don’t wanna know, Kel.” He whispered dejectedly.

Kellin’s eyes watered, and his voice cracked as he said, “I do, _please_.”

"I love you, Kellin. I _love_ you, and it's... it's  _killing_ me." Vic sobbed, and before Kellin could say anything, Vic ran out of the bus.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so really nervous about this omg. So, comment? I'd love to know your thoughts :3


End file.
